Do you ever
feel like every time you open your mouth you say the wrong thing? I don’t know
why it is, but some people have a knack for offending others, while other
people have a gift for appeasing everybody. Call it charm, wit, or
manipulation, we all know folks who can get away with the most outlandish
remarks. If we said the same thing, it would be considered offensive or rude. I
just don’t get it.
Dad had the
wit and charm of a genuine Irishman. He could disarm anyone as fast as Ali
could deliver a one-two punch. I wish I could say I inherited his cheerful
blarney, but such is not always the case.
I’ll give you a few examples. When
I was about 10, the phone company ran a party line down our sideroad. Our
number was 38J, either two shorts and a long or one long and two shorts, I
don’t remember. Anyway, using the phone was a privilege, not the mandatory
third hand it is today. In other words, I didn’t grow up with a telephone and
to this day do not enjoy talking on one. About a month ago, I mentioned my
indifference regarding the phone to an acquaintance and haven’t heard from her
since.
Then there’s the bossy lady friend
who got on my nerves. She often called me unpleasant names, but I overlooked
her insults for a long time because she was old and funny. Then one day she
stretched my tolerance to the max, and I returned a dose of her medicine. That
was two years ago. No word from her since, either.
Turning the
clock way back to 1986, a relative thought I should get out more and invited me
to an Al Anon meeting. I attended about three sessions. I kept quiet as I
listened to the women gripe about their husbands. Week after week it was the
same thing. Finally I couldn’t stand it any longer and told the gals if I were
married to one of them, I’d drink too. You can just about imagine how that went
over.
My poor friend,
Flash. He’s always taking something I say the wrong way, jumping in his truck,
and running home. If he lived closer, he’d save a small fortune in gas bills,
but I guess that’s just the way it goes.
Well
anyway, I keep hoping one of these days Dad’s droll genes will visit me, but
until then I’ll keep a roll of duct tape handy. I might look silly with my
mouth taped shut, but it might eliminate a lot of relationship problems. You
know what I mean, don’t you?
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